He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
BRING THE BAGELS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
