Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
