Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
