oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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