You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
