I think im going to throw up on grandma
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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