How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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