This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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