I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
