Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize