i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
