i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
