If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
