my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
