Me. At least after what I've been through.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
