Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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