im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I didn't notice because vodka
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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