Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
