And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
