the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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