I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
