You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
