My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
