I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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