I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
