Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize