Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
