dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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