Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
