I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
