the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
