idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You ate ashes out of my bong
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