Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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