TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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