KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
