I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
as a side note pls kill me
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