I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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