my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
