I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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