i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
