I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
