Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
