First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
