I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize