A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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