he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
