Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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