I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
