Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
