If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
