He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
