I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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