tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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