I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
