it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
