i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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