my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
