apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
