Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
